Looking at the crosses I drew on my calendar, I am happy that my life in Stanford is about to finishing soon. I guess most of the people will wonder why I have such feelings. Studying in US, especially Stanford shouldn’t be something exciting? Hmm…. it should be but it turns out not the case for me. However, I felt that I actually gain a lot here, by realising many things that I didn’t aware of all this while.
The first week in Stanford, I missed home every single moment, so much that I felt flying back to Malaysia every now and then. In this period of being home sick, images of people I encountered in my recent life keep flashing through my mind. I recalled every incident related to all my friends and family members b4 coming here. I realised that I didn’t share much quality time with my parents, didnt show enough of my care, my love to people that I wanted to appreciate much, didnt wisely use the time spent with my comrades in Acad M………. I am not a good daughter, a good sister, a good friend, a good comrade and a good lover. Knowing myself did not play my role properly for the past, I made a determination deep in my heart when I was chanting - self revolution, 人间革命.
Second week, getting stressful each day. Being a student from a total different background to the current field of study, it’s really hard for me to catch up. Being blur during lecture was the only thing I could do. I regretted many times to come over here. Life back in Malaysia was much better than here, yet I didnt cherish the time there. However, looking this from another perspective, this arrangement could possibly a great opportunity for me to challenge myself, to deepen my faith in Nichiren Daishonin’s Buddhism, to really feel the power of mystic law by overcoming each challenges I faced. Nonetheless, to have stong ichinen, uphold an unbreakable faith in dealing with all the problems is not an easy task. My life condition was not stable, I easily broke down and felt suffocated with the challenges I encountered. Fortunately, my parents, especially my mum supporting me with billions of daimoku from Malaysia, my sisters keep encouraging me despite her busy working schedule , my baby consistently showered me his care, his love and his support, and my brother in law, sending me sensei’s guidance and advice every now and then. With their support coupled with my own daimoku, I would create history, I made a vow to myself.
3rd week, life still not getting any better. But I remembered an advice from my bro-in-law: Your mind must be the strongest when the environment is the weakest to you. Yes, I must be strong and challenge with even more daimoku. I must make a victory report, for the sake of Sensei, comrades, family and myself.
4th week, mid term was around the corner. I geared up my effort in understanding all the materials for the 4 coarses. Study and homework filled up 90% of my time. But fortunately, I manage to allocate some time to attend the very first YWD study meet at Palo Alto. I was really happy to learn new human revolution with them. They shared a lot and encouraged me much. I told myself at the end of the meeting, I must not lose, and I will never lose as I have Gohonzon. I must display the soka spirit and apply the faith in practice and prove it in my real life situation.
5th week, mid term week. A critical week to me as I came to know a very cruel reality from a friend in such a busy and stressful week. I was silly… being a fool for more than 2 years.. Shed tears for him the last time. I will be wiser from now on. Though the news hit me badly, I was gratitude to Gohonzon because wisdom given to me to make a wise choice. I left him 8 months ago and gave myself another chance. And, it’s proven now that this decision was a wise one. Anyway, maybe I should thank him. Without him, I would never know to appreciate the best thing surrounded me all this while.
